This is what happens in my head when I sit down to write anything that is destined for public viewing:
I haven’t posted anything on my blog in a while. I feel bad. My grandma really likes my blog, I should post something.
Goes to café, spends last three dollars on coffee, opens new doc in Word.
Its been such a long time since I wrote anything. I’m such a loser.
Expectations are really high now.
Let me go back and read what I wrote before.
45 minutes later.
Wow, that was decent. That one part about the thing was pretty funny.
Whatever I write next needs to be even better.
It needs to be even funnier and then WHAM! hit you right between the eyes with the insight.
It needs to blow minds.
I’m not in a mind blowing mood. I’d rather drink another coffee. I want a brownie. Coffee... Brownies... coffeebrownies?!
Looks up espresso fudge brownie recipes.
20 minutes later.
Oh that’s right, I was writing.
What should I write about?
I'm so boring, no one even wants to hear what I have to say.
And I'm never going to be as funny as that one time I was really funny.
I’m like Lady Gaga. She always has to be crazier than the last time. What was with that egg thing?
Google pictures of Lady Gaga at the Grammys.
Yeah, I’m basically Lady Gaga, only I’ve plateaued. Sucks to be me right now.
Goes and buys boxed brownie mix. Eats the batter without cooking it.
And that’s why I never post anything on my blog.