20 June 2010

Bears Love Cookies and I am a Bear.

Today I got a craving for chocolate chip cookies. But not just any chocolate chip cookies. I wanted the Nestle Tollhouse Break & Bake kind. The kind that give you warm gooey chocolaty satisfaction 10-12 minutes after you tear open the yellow cellophane packaging. The craving hit me like I was a bear. I was immediately ravenous. Its like I was a bear and if there had been another bear with some of those cookies we would have had a bear war and I would have conquered him because the craving for the cookies would have increased my bear powers exponentially.

So I decided since I was on my break from work that I would get me some cookies. I dragged myself out of my be- er… I mean, away from the important creative thing I was doing and set out. Now to get to the grocery store I have to hike my lazy ass up a huge hill and wait for the bus and then stand on the bus next to a malodorous Indian man for 20 minutes. Which was fine because my love for the cookies was driving me onward, giving me bear powers. I got to the grocery store and headed for the refrigerated section and that’s where the first moments of fear hit me.

“Maybe they don’t have Nestle Tollhouse Bake & Break cookies here…”

And sure enough, they don’t. I scoured the refrigerated and frozen sections in vein. I tore numerous bags of peas asunder with my bear rage. I clawed little old ladies in front of the jellies and jams section. I tried to politely ask an employee about the cookies but he gave me a look like I was insane. Well, first he gave me the “Oh! She’s American! Wait, what is she saying, I can’t understand her accent… Cookies? What the hell is this chick talking about? OMFG? I’m going to be one of those people who get killed by a crazy American!” When his face starting saying that I ate his head, because I’m a bear.

Soon enough, the rage subsided and I was just sad and tired in a busy grocery store surrounded by muesli and dollop cream (they love that crap here). So I dragged myself home and settled for some Tim Tams. Which are good, don’t get me wrong, but they are no Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies.

P.S.- I’ve also wanted Mexican food for quite sometime but they don’t make that on this continent. Just a crap load of Asian food, which I’ve never really cared for. I had a few lovely friends send me some Mexican recipes but I managed to screw them up. First of all they don’t have Rotel here but also, I’m just a terrible cook. Who screws up a burrito? Me. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to Future Boyfriend, I’ll try to get better. I promise we won’t live off of frozen waffles and peanut butter. Well, we might at first, but I’ll probably get sick of it and try something else. Or maybe you should start to learn to cook, and then I wouldn’t have to. Just a thought, Future Boyfriend.

P.P.S.- I realize my mother is probably despairing at the bear rage photo as its not helping the Future Boyfriend situation and she probably thinks she'll never get any grandchildren now but its OK. Future Boyfriend will have to find out about bear rage eventually, its just a fact of life.


  1. That's the best use of Photoshop I've seen in a long time.